


Steve Rogers Is Not a Woman

by orphan_account



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Cissexism, News Media, Super Soldier Serum, Trans Male Character, Transgender Steve Rogers, Transphobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-06
Updated: 2015-09-29
Packaged: 2018-02-28 10:31:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2729084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve Rogers was not a woman, no matter what anybody else said, or what his body looked like. (Trans-man Steve.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Warning: this story includes descriptions of a trans man’s body before and after a (miraculous) physical transition, gender dysphoria, and mis-gendering of a trans man. The possibility (nothing happens or is even threatened) of sexual assault is mentioned vaguely several times. Non consensual body modification happens for a short period of time. Someone (not a nice character, don’t worry) outs someone else. Also, the Avengers are kind of insensitive. But what else is new?

LINE BREAK

For all his life, Steve had been relatively happy. He didn’t have much money, but nobody else really did, either. He couldn’t hold a job, but there weren’t many jobs to be found, and those that were tended to be reserved for men with families. 

His mother was dead, but Steve had Bucky to look out for him at the orphanage and later when they moved out together.  
Steve only had one complaint about his life, an unfortunately large one. It affected every aspect of his existence: jobs, clothing, behavior, how people treated him, and so much more. He had to keep his problem a secret, and he couldn’t do anything to make it better, lest he be called a pervert or worse. Only Bucky knew what he was hiding from the world.

Steve’s problem was that he wasn’t born in the right body. It got sick all the time, and it was small, but worst of all, it was female.  
Steve had no problem with women in general. He was quite fond of the female form. It was his own that he had a problem with. All his life he had been plagued with awful feelings of wrongness and that he would never be set right.

Bucky, it seemed, had always known about this. Steve didn’t quite recall explicitly telling his best friend, but there had been many signs along the way. It was a relief. In the little apartment they shared, Steve didn’t have to keep pretending he knew how to act like a girl. Bucky let him wear his clothes whenever he wanted at first, then he came home one day with old men’s clothes that actually sort of fit Steve. Better than Bucky’s clothes had, anyway.

Steve cut his hair short like Bucky’s and told everybody there had been an accident and this was the most he could salvage from the ruins of his formerly long hair. To his astonishment, people believed him. It always baffled Steve how nobody (except for Bucky) had ever figured out that Steve wasn’t the woman that he looked like. Steve had even started dressing as a man more often, even outside of the house.

He and Bucky had moved into a different neighborhood. It was unlikely Steve would run into anybody he used to know, so he felt safer dressing as a man. Nobody, not even their landlady, noticed anything of the sort about him. Having been given the name Steven Grant Rogers at birth helped with that problem.

Then the war started and everything, already off-kilter, changed completely. Steve could not enlist. He didn’t want to be a nurse; that was for women. He still couldn’t do anything like work in a factory, since he was so small and sickly. All Steve wanted to do was prove his masculinity. But the Army wouldn’t take him like this.

Steve was lucky on that fateful night of the fair, when he met Dr. Abraham Erskine. Dr. Erskine wasn’t looking for a woman. For the first time since Bucky, someone looked at Steve’s female body and instead saw the man that he was.

Not many people knew the full details of Dr. Erskine’s decision. If they didn’t know Steve’s medical history, they saw an unusually feminine man. Steve and Dr. Erskine were determined to keep it like that. Steve’s original birth certificate was burned, and a new one was forged. With any luck, no one would ever find out.

Dr. Erskine’s super-soldier serum was the best thing to ever happen to Steve. Even though his body was not completely male, it was a lot farther along than it had been before. He was tall and strong. His muscles were even bigger than Bucky’s (who worked at the lumberyard and had developed considerable strength).

There were other changes, too. Steve’s breasts, already small, had not increased in size to go with the rest of his new body. Therefore, he was more easily able to bind them and have them blend in with the rest of him. 

His voice had never been very high or feminine, thankfully, but after the serum he couldn’t believe how deep his voice had become.  
Steve wasn’t soft anymore. The corners of his face and everywhere else had sharpened, giving him a squarer, more masculine jaw line. 

The last, possibly most notable, change didn’t seem to happen right away, though. Several days after his miraculous transformation and Dr. Erskine’s death, Steve woke up and, as he had every morning before, checked the mirror to make sure the changes hadn’t reverted overnight. (They hadn’t.) Even better, he was growing a beard. Steve checked again. He ran a hand over his cheek and felt the rough stubble under his palm.

Now everyone knew he was a man. Finally what he really was and what everybody else saw matched up. Steve hadn’t quite realized how devastating it had been for this to not be the case until suddenly it was.

It was a miracle that none of the Howling Commandoes (except for Bucky, of course) had found out that Steve had lady parts; that is, a miracle and constant vigilance.

Steve’s biggest regret was that Peggy never knew. It felt cruel to do that to a woman. He had fallen deeply in love with Peggy Carter, and he’d never even told her his biggest secret. Some part of him knew, though, that he would never have had a chance with her if she had found out. 

Then he lost the only person who had still known who (and what) Steve used to be. Steve finally felt like he was a proper man in the eyes of the rest of the world, but it had come at too high a price.

LINE BREAK

Steve’s first thought when he woke up after crashing the plane into the ice was “did they take my clothes off?” He sat up, looked down, and was relieved to discover that nobody, in fact, did take his clothes off. He was stripped down to his pants and his undershirt, though, which still wasn’t great, but it could have been worse. His undershirt was unfortunately white and fit him snugly, but his small breasts were dwarfed by his much larger frame. They were barely noticeable. (He hoped.)

The nurse came in, and Steve panicked. He didn’t even want to think about what would happen if Hydra got him. So he ran.  
Steve didn’t have much time to think about his body while New York City was being invaded. It functioned, it fought, and he was able to keep it hidden. That was all that mattered.

It was afterwards, when Howard Stark’s son (Tony, Steve had to keep reminding himself) invited him and the rest of the newly forged Avengers to live with him in his thoroughly modern tower. This made Steve very nervous. Close quarters and constant surveillance eventually would lead to an unwanted discovery. 

It was Natasha who finally convinced Steve to move in with his new teammates, in an indirect sort of way. Stark was teasing her about being a woman amongst so many men and she put him down hard. Now, Steve didn’t need anybody to defend him, but in case Stark or any other person found out about Steve’s past and got it into their heads that he was a woman (which he most definitely was not, lady parts be damned), Steve might be able to find an ally in Natasha. Not that he was ever going to tell her.

One of the most surprising aspects of American culture in the twenty-first century that Steve encountered after waking up was the portrayal of himself. The comic books he was sort of familiar with, as those had been part of the propaganda effort during the war. He had also made short movies, and with his shows, he was pretty well known.

None of this had prepared him for the level of intensity which surrounded his own image in what he still thought of as the future. Even songs mentioned him, and there were too many movies retelling his story to mention.

This both baffled and reassured Steve. He wasn’t sure what all he had done to earn that sort of attention. However, just that attention showed how little about him anybody actually knew. Steve knew that if people had known that he had been hiding a female body all along, they never would have idolized him like that.

Steve had spent most of his life keeping his secret hidden. He intended to do it for the rest of his time left, as well. But plans like that sometimes have a tendency of not working out. 

The beginning of the trouble, or perhaps before the beginning, was the news clip. They had a large-screen TV just for JARVIS to show them news that he thought was important. For some reason, when there weren’t any dangerous situations to report, he liked human interest stories.

On that particular day, Steve walked into the living room to find a newscaster interviewing a pregnant man and his partner. The pregnant man was explaining that even though he had a female-shaped body, he was not a woman and never had been. Steve plopped down on the couch, mesmerized. He had had no idea that there were other people like him out there! Then the people on the TV started bandying around a word he had never heard before: “transgender.” Steve quickly jotted it down before he forgot it. 

The news program was still talking about transgender people when Bruce walked into the room. Steve jumped. He pressed the first button that his hand came to on the remote. To Steve’s utter horror, the volume only got louder, so it could be very clearly heard what was being said, and what Steve was watching. He yelped and quickly changed the channel.

Steve risked a glance up at Bruce. He was laughing and staring oddly at Steve.

Steve leapt off the couch. “Would you like some popcorn?” he blurted out. “I sure would love some popcorn.” And without waiting for Bruce to say anything, he fled from the room.

Steve couldn’t decide what to do after that. What if Bruce had figured out what Steve had hidden from them? What if Steve was kicked off the team? Oh god, what if he was arrested? He had lied on his enlistment forms, after all.

Steve hid out in his room for a while, just in case. But he couldn’t avoid Bruce forever. When the call came to assemble, Steve suited up and marched out to meet his teammates. His shoulders were held back to make him look broader, a trick left over from his days as a scrawny, girly little guy. When he got there, though, nobody said a word about what had happened earlier. Out of the corner of his eye, Steve looked to Bruce, who only smiled enigmatically.

The mission went smoothly. It probably didn’t even need all of the Avengers – the culprit was only another small-time scientist building another mad contraption. He shot Steve with it, but it did nothing.

Tony still made Steve go down to the tower infirmary to get checked out. Steve refused to take his clothes off to submit to the examination, just like he’d always done. So they made him stay in the infirmary overnight for observation.

Steve did his best not to fall asleep. It was habit after years in the Army – he was afraid that if he did, someone might try to take advantage of him. But after the long day, he felt his mind being pulled inexorably toward unconsciousness.

Steve woke up to a bright light and the sound of people shouting around him. He tried to get up, but slumped back onto his pillows. He started coughing and couldn’t stop; it was just like before Dr. Erskine had changed his body.

A doctor, wearing a sanitary mask and gloves, reached for Steve, and he reacted instinctually. He threw himself away from the approaching hands and once again, his body refused to respond. 

Steve panicked. He didn’t know what else to do. He had no idea what was going on or what had happened to him. His panic incited an asthma attack, which just proved more so that something was very wrong. It did have the fortunate effect of distracting the doctors, though. They stopped trying to touch him and examine him more closely while they adjusted the machines hooked up to Steve’s body, and then they left.

Finally Steve had some time alone to try to figure out what had happened to him. He wasn’t sure whether he was under surveillance or not, so he played it safe and kept it all under the covers. He definitely had his old body back. He was much smaller, and he had lost most of his body hair. His feet were back to the size where it had been nearly impossible to find men’s shoes. Steve was afraid to even open his mouth to see if his voice had changed back.

Steve was still conducting his self-examination when Bruce let himself into the room. Steve jumped and pulled the blankets up as high as they would go, halfway up his face. He looked down compulsively at his body just to make sure he was completely covered. Bruce just stood there and stared at him.

Steve thrust out his chin. The tension in the room built as Bruce continued to do nothing but stare at Steve.

Finally Steve couldn’t take it anymore. “What do you want?” he snapped – except it came out as more of a squeak.

Steve could not believe it. He pulled his blanket over his head completely, scooting down the bed a little bit. His voice was high and feminine. He sounded like a woman again.

Through the layers of cloth, Steve heard Bruce moving around and finally settling into the chair by the bedside. Steve wanted to lower the blanket so he could better watch him (anybody was a potential threat, after all), but he also didn’t want to show his face again.

As Steve contemplated his conundrum, Bruce finally said something. “Why didn’t you tell us?” he asked.

Steve yanked the blanket away from his face. “What?” he said indignantly, then covered his mouth with both his hands. He’d grown soft during his time as Captain America. He’d forgotten how hard it was to deepen his voice during the time he hadn’t needed to do so.

Bruce looked unamused. At least there was that; at least he wasn’t laughing at Steve. He said, “Look, I can see why you didn’t say anything when you were in the Army, Steve, but that was seventy years ago. Why didn’t you tell us?”

Steve only shook his head. He was afraid to open his mouth again.

Bruce sighed and slapped his hands against his knees. Steve flinched. Bruce froze. Staying very still, he tried to say something, but nothing came. Finally he choked out, “That’s why, isn’t it? Were you afraid we were going to hurt you?”

Steve’s silence was answer enough. Bruce groaned and dropped his head into his hands. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered. “I had no idea you felt that way . . . I mean, I suspected something was up, when I saw you watching that thing with the trans man on TV, but. . . . You’re safe, okay? You’re safe here. You’ll never have to worry about harassment, or anything else worse with us, I promise.”

Steve still couldn’t say anything. He just put the blanket back up over his head.

Bruce cleared his throat. He said, “I almost forgot – the doctors say your condition should only be temporary. You’ll go back to normal soon.”

Steve just barely managed to resist yanking the blankets off his head again when he heard that. He seethed beneath them. How could Bruce almost forget something like that? Steve did not respond to Bruce, and this seemed to worry Bruce.

Bruce said, “This means that you won’t have to worry about transitioning again – the machine that that man used to deactivate the serum in your blood wasn’t complete yet, and so the effects are only temporary.”

Steve nodded. He still didn’t look at Bruce. He felt useless. Soon he dozed off to sleep again.

Steve woke up to the sound of voices. Even though he recognized them, he didn’t open his eyes right away. Bruce and Tony were talking about him in low voices. Tony sounded more serious than Steve had ever heard him.

Tony was saying to Bruce, “Well, I guess now we know why Steve never wanted to got to Medical before. He didn’t want anybody to find out what he was hiding.”

Bruce replied, so quietly that Steve had to strain his ears to hear it, “I’m pretty sure he was afraid we would hurt him or kick him out, Tony.”

There was a moment of silence. Then Tony squawked, “What?”

Steve wanted to hear more, but he suddenly felt a touch on his hand, and jerked away from it as quickly as he could. His eyes flew open just in time to see Tony retreating and making an apologetic face. Tony didn’t let that stop him, though.

He demanded, “Why didn’t you tell us? Why didn’t you trust us? We’re your friends!”

Bruce led Tony out of the room before anything could get too heated.  
Bruce didn’t come back, but Steve had another visitor before long. It was Agent Sitwell, and he was looking immensely awkward.  
Before this, Sitwell had always treated Steve with respect and greeted him as “sir.” (Almost everyone did that now, though, so it had never felt significant before.)

The respect that Sitwell had showed him before didn’t happen that day. Instead, Sitwell fidgeted with the paperwork in his hands before setting it all down on the table, far enough away that Steve would never be able to reach it without help. He kept sneaking little glances at Steve and his body. Confusion and maybe even a little bit of disgust were clear in his eyes.

Sitwell was saying something about the suspension of Captain America’s duties until further notice. He finished up with, “And of course we’ll provide you with whatever you might need, uh, Miss Rogers.”

Steve felt his insides go cold. “What did you just call me?” he asked evenly, hoping desperately that he had somehow misheard the other man.

Sitwell stammered out something that was definitely not anything resembling a satisfactory answer.

Steve balled up his fists under the blankets. He put all the anger he was feeling into his voice and hissed, “I’m going to ask you again. You’ve known me as a man for over a year now; what the hell makes you think it would ever be appropriate to say that I’m a girl?”

Sitwell’s expression cleared slightly, but he still leaned back in his chair. “It’s just that now I know that you’re really a girl, and I wanted to be respectful.”

Steve’s mouth fell open. He didn’t have any response to that, not any polite ones, anyway. Luckily, someone else had the answer.

“That is the opposite of respectful,” that someone said from behind Sitwell. Steve looked up to see Thor glowering down at the agent. Sitwell looked up as well, and jumped when he saw Thor’s looming face.

Thor continued, “Captain Rogers clearly wished to be treated as the man that he is. It would be best if you respected that, rather than going by ridiculous human notions of gender residing solely in the body.”

Sitwell’s mouth fell open. So did Steve’s. He had thought that Thor would have been the least accepting of Steve’s identity.

Thor took a step forward, and Sitwell fell off his chair because he couldn’t move away fast enough. Thor stepped aside so that Sitwell could exit, and Sitwell took that chance and fled.

Thor relaxed his shoulders and his stern posture. He sat on the now-abandoned chair and froze as it creaked under his bulk. Steve smiled weakly. It was more than he had managed since his body had been changed without his consent.

Thor returned the smile, only broader, and clapped Steve on the shoulder. He said quietly (contrary to popular belief, Thor was indeed capable of producing an inside voice), “I am glad to see you still alive, brother. I was worried for a while there.”

Steve shrugged. He wanted to apologize to Thor, but he also didn’t want to say something and embarrass himself yet again with the sound of his own voice. Luckily Thor seemed to understand anyway.

Bruce came back to take a blood sample from Steve while Thor was still there. Steve had a small panic attack at the prospect of uncovering enough of his body for Bruce to do so, even just his thin, hairless arm.

To try to calm him down, Bruce told Steve some more of what he had uncovered about the serum.

“It must have had much more testosterone than we originally thought,” Bruce said. His hands were formed in a steeple in his lap and he looked evenly into Steve’s eyes. “It also somehow jumpstarted your body into producing less estrogen and much more testosterone for itself. Transgender men have to keep taking testosterone for all their lives to keep enough of their masculine features, but with the serum, you never had to worry about that.”

Bruce finished taking his blood sample. Steve immediately yanked his arm back and shoved it under his blankets again. He huddled his head under them, too. He didn’t really want to hear any more about the manliness that he had lost.

Steve refused to leave his hospital bed for several days. He hid under the blankets whenever anybody came in to visit him. It was Natasha who finally got him to get up and walk around. Armed with an inhaler and a blanket wrapped around his shoulders, Steve hobbled around his private room. He wasn’t ready to leave it yet. 

Nobody else was there except for him and Natasha. Nobody else was allowed in, as Steve didn’t want anybody to see him like this with his female-shaped body out there, but if someone had to, he was okay with Natasha being that person. She could protect him, and while the logical part of him knew that the male part of his team wouldn’t ever harm him, he still felt safest with Natasha.

Steve had forgotten how difficult it was just walking in his old serum-free body. He was slow and his legs were wobbly. He had two asthma attacks, but luckily they could be handled easily enough without needing to call in any medical staff. All in all, getting up and walking around was a success, but Steve still didn’t want to do it again. 

Bruce, thankfully, was able to pinpoint Steve’s automatic transition back to his large Captain America self to within a couple of days, so Steve didn’t have to worry much about when it would happen or about being caught off guard.

The biggest problem with getting ready for the serum to reactivate in his blood was clothing. More specifically, it wasn’t allowed. Steve had made his original transition to a super-soldier fully clothed, but this time was apparently different, for some reason, as Bruce and the other doctors told Steve in no uncertain terms that clothes would be dangerous.

But they finally decided on a compromise (once Steve stopped freaking out and listened). Steve would take off all his clothes when the time to turn back approached, but he would stay covered in blankets for the entire process. Bruce and two medical doctors would have to be there, as well. Steve had protested this decision, but it hadn’t made a difference.

Pretty soon the change began. It was easier this time around, Steve thought, now that he knew what to expect. He could feel his limbs lengthening, just like last time, and his body hair growing back in. He couldn’t move because of the pain while it was happening, but the paralysis didn’t last long.

When it was over, Steve slumped back on the bed and gasped for breath. It wasn’t an asthma attack or a panic attack, but rather the reassuring feel of his lungs trying to catch up after a period of overexertion.

Steve slowly came back to himself. The doctors surrounding him were keeping a safe, respectful distance, and Steve greatly appreciated that.

Then Steve realized what else the doctors were doing. They were all averting their eyes, which meant – Steve looked down at his body. He made a manfully distressed sound in the back of his throat and yanked the blankets back up to cover his exposed skin.

Bruce took the noise as his cue. Steve watched him without so much as blinking as he approached him to check his vitals. It was a struggle to do so, but Steve finally lowered the blanket enough to allow Bruce to at least check his pulse.

Bruce left behind a change of clothes that he had taken from Steve’s room. Steve got dressed as quickly as he could. The door was locked and there weren’t any cameras – he was safe. Yet again Steve had to remind himself that everybody, including his boss and his teammates, knew the truth and didn’t care. He really was safe now. He just needed to convince himself of that.

Steve’s first stop was the cafeteria. He had long ago learned to ignore people staring at him, and this skill came in handy that day. All of SHIELD knew that something had happened to Captain America and that he had been confined to Medical for about a week. Fortunately not many of them knew exactly what had happened to him, and what discovery had been made of it. At least, Steve hoped that was the case.

Steve ate three raisin bagels with jelly, two bowls of oatmeal loaded with walnuts and honey, an orange, and two cups of coffee. He stayed away from the bananas. They just didn’t taste the same anymore.

Steve went to the gym next. He hadn’t been inactive for so long since he’d first been turned into Captain America. (He didn’t count his time on the ice.) He burned off some of the excess energy on the treadmills first thing. But he couldn’t stop thinking about his body and all the ways that it had betrayed him.

The treadmill just wasn’t doing enough for him. Bucky had always told him that he got angry and frustrated too easily, and today was no different. Steve moved over to the punching bags. They hadn’t been touched in over a week. Steve figured he ought to rectify that.  
Steve completely lost track of time in the gym. He only knew that he went through four whole punching bags and was working on his fifth when Bruce, Tony, and Pepper walked through the door. Steve faltered at the rather incongruous sight of the CEO of Stark Industries at the SHIELD headquarters. They all looked very serious. 

Tony ushered Steve into a nearby meeting room and the other two followed them. Steve wondered if they had changed their minds about not kicking him off the team, because this was awfully formal for just a little everyday chat, and Steve couldn’t think of anything else it could be.

The news that Pepper gave Steve was much worse than a mere dismissal. If it had been that, Steve would have been sad, but he’d easily be able to handle it as long as all the details were kept secret. But this was a case of secrets not being kept, and of trust being broken.

A SHIELD agent (not named, but Steve suspected it may have been Sitwell) had gone to the media with Steve’s story. He had told the world all about Steve hiding his female body to join the Army, fight for his country, and become a man. Only he didn’t phrase it quite like that.  
Tony set up his laptop to show Steve a news broadcast. The woman who was speaking on the screen had her face lacquered with makeup and a gleeful smile – there was no other word for it. “We have breaking news about Captain America,” she said, gloating, “about something he’s been hiding from us all – or should I say ‘she’?”

Steve buried his head in his hands and slumped forward so he was leaning on the table. Tony paused the broadcast long enough for Steve to pull himself back together.

Once Steve had done so, and had a moderately good grasp on all the feelings that had started to bubble up inside of him, he motioned for Tony to start up the program again. Bruce must have already seen it, because he was looking straight at Steve rather than at the laptop screen. Steve wanted to tell him that he wasn’t going to snap and do anything drastic, but he wasn’t too sure of that himself, so he stayed quiet on that front.

The broadcaster continued on to say, “Captain America has always been a pinnacle of masculinity in our society, so it has been quite a shock for America to find out that ‘he’ is really a woman!”

“Why would she hide it, then?” The other broadcaster said with a broad, fake-looking smile. Steve immediately didn’t like him and his oily manner. Also the fact that he had called Steve “she.”

Tony wordlessly switched to another show. The people on this one seemed more professional, but they were talking about the same thing. It was two women on this one, one of whom was interviewing the other, a supposed “expert.”

The interviewer said, “The new government leaks saying that Captain America is really a woman have really resonated with a lot of people. Do you have any comments about this situation?”

The “expert” replied, “Well, a lot of people are looking up to her as a role model now. She’s a real heroine, you know. She pretended to be a man so that she could serve her country. Steve Rogers – we’re still unsure as to what her real name is – actually allowed her body to be altered, and she sacrificed her femininity, all so that she could pass as a man and do all those amazing things.”

The interviewer nodded along, and when the “expert” finished, she asked, “There’s a history of this, isn’t there? Of women ‘becoming,’ or pretending really, to be men so they could serve their country.”

“Of course. There was Deborah Sampson, who fought during the American Revolution. And there have been multiple others whom Miss Rogers was undoubtedly inspired by.”

Steve gently closed the laptop. He couldn’t bear to watch any more of that drivel. “I get the idea,” he muttered to the others. He wanted to say that just because those women couldn’t imagine not being women didn’t mean that everybody had to feel the same way, but there was a lady in the room, and his thoughts included an awful lot of swearing.

“What’s going through your head, Steve?” Bruce asked him, leaning forward, his eyes focused intensely on Steve’s. “We have not once seen any indication that you identify as a woman. Have you been hiding your feelings from us, or are all these people wrong?” Despite Bruce’s serious expression, his eyes twinkled.

Steve folded his arms in front of his chest. “I’ve only hidden my body from you, not the fact that I am a man. I’ve never been a woman, and I never will be. No matter what anybody says, especially those awful people on the news. I really wish they wouldn’t talk about me like that. I’m not a ‘she’.”

Pepper started talking now. She hadn’t really said a word since they came in here. She tried for a reassuring smile, but it soon dropped off her face. “You don’t have to stand for it, though,” she said. “Coming out could be a solution to the problem. Tell everybody who you really are, and make it clear that they are not to use female pronouns when talking about you, no matter what your body looks like. That’s your decision. Just keep in mind that you won’t be able to take any announcements back once they’re out there. There will also be people who will condemn you, or who won’t accept you for this. They’ll insist that you must be a woman, because they don’t believe being transgender is a real thing, or they’ll be so desperate for a female hero that your real identity will be bulldozed in the process of creating an image of a strong woman who fought for her country and still does. Also, remember that your celebrity status makes people more critical of anything that you do, and this is no exception.”

The room was silent for a minute. Then Tony said, “Wow, Pepper, way to go all doom and gloom on us.” Bruce and Pepper laughed, and Steve even managed a small smile.

Steve hardly even had to think about what he was going to do. The news was already out there, but people had some wrong information, and Steve needed to fix that for them. Besides, he was just so angry at this whole mess.

After Steve told the others this, they immediately started planning what to do and how to go about doing it. Pepper scheduled a press conference for the very next day. Then she helped Steve start to prepare a speech.

Before he knew it, Steve was standing in front of more people he had ever seen in one room before. Most of them were journalists, but Steve doubted they would have any room to do anything but listen. Maybe they had tape recorders, those required less elbow action than notepads.

Steve cleared his throat. Whispers flew through the crowd, then all fell silent again. 

Steve said, “I am not a woman. I’m not pretending to be a man, or trying to become a man, I am one. I am a man.” He waited for another round of muttering to die down again. “I understand that people want to make a ‘heroine’ out of me, but I cannot live up to those expectations. When some people heard that I am biologically female, they wanted to try to make me into a woman. It was an honest mistake; they didn’t understand. But they can’t do that. It doesn’t work that way. I hope that people will begin to understand that now.”

A man near the podium and a little to the left raised his hand. “Captain Rogers, are you admitting that you are biologically female but not a woman? Does this mean you’re coming out as transgender?”

“Yes.” Behind the podium where nobody could see them, Steve curled his hands into fists to stop them from trembling so badly. “Yes, I am transgender. I’m not ashamed to be this way, and I’m not afraid to come out.” Lie, he thought. Even Captain America was afraid sometimes. He plowed on. “I’m not the ‘heroine’ that some people want me to be, but I hope I inspire other people to come out and be a hero in that sense.” He paused for extra effect, then added, “Thank you for your time.” 

Everyone was silent for a minute. Then the room burst into applause. Steve stepped away from the podium. He figured he had said enough for now.

The Avengers had pizza for dinner that night. Steve hung out in the doorway for a little while as the others loaded up their plates and got drinks. Finally Clint looked up. He came over to herd Steve to the table. Faces came up and everybody greeted him and congratulated him. Steve sat down and looked around the table. Nobody was talking directly to him at that moment, but nobody was ignoring him, either. Nobody was trying to hurt him, or making fun of him, or telling him he was a woman. He was safe, but he was also welcome and cared for. That was all he had ever wanted, and now he had it.


	2. Chapter 2

The team was winding down on the Bus after a long, difficult mission. Skye, as usual, was tapping away on her laptop. May was taking a rare moment to wind down and was sipping at a beer.

FitzSimmons were arguing quietly but passionately in a corner about the practical applications of this or that. Coulson wasn’t sure exactly what it was that they were discussing. He supposed he should ask them about it sooner rather than later, in case something went wrong.

Coulson himself was sitting on the couch with his shirt sleeves rolled up and his tie loosened by a quarter of an inch. He had paperwork (it was always paperwork with SHIELD) laid out on the coffee table in front of him.

May turned on the television. It momentarily distracted FitzSimmons, but they soon returned to their argument. 

Coulson had done enough paperwork for now; he deserved a break. He turned his attention to the television.

The show switched to breaking news about a celebrity. Normally Coulson didn’t care about celebrities, “breaking news” or otherwise. However, Captain America appeared on the screen and began to speak. Coulson took off his reading glasses. He listened closely as Steve Rogers addressed a concern that had been put forward: that he was a woman.

Coulson shook his head and re-focused his eyes to make sure he had heard that right. He had. At the moment, Rogers was explaining that he was a man, even though he did have a female body.

May’s beer was still in her hand, but she seemed to have forgotten about it. Skye had looked up from her computer. Even FitzSimmons were silent.

Coulson turned up the volume on the television. He had stopped caring about his unfinished paperwork entirely. On the screen, Captain Rogers raised his hand in salute and marched away from the podium. The screen cut away to a coiffed and overly smug commentator from Fox News. Coulson shut it off before they could start talking. He wasn’t in the mood to put up with that garbage.

FitzSimmons burst into noise right away. Skye started babbling to nobody in particular.

May did nothing. Instead, she just sat there and stared at Coulson, whose brow was furrowed. May moved a little closer. “What’s on your mind?” she murmured.

At the sound of her voice, Coulson snapped out of his thoughts. He just shook his head. He would need to think more about this sudden new development.

None of the Avengers knew that Coulson was still alive, except for Agents Barton and Romanoff, since they were both Level 7. However, Coulson had not yet been allowed to go back and reunite with Clint. And, of course, with the rest of SHIELD and the Avengers, but Clint was the most important, especially when Coulson felt so alone.

The newly learned fact that Captain America – one of the greatest American heroes ever – was transgender was the only thing that   
Coulson’s team could seem to talk about. The general consensus was that it was amazing. Only Ward didn’t like it. He kept saying, “But why didn’t somebody find her out?”

Finally Skye snapped. After Ward made those comments at dinner, Skye yelled at him, “Stop being such a jerk! Just because he has a woman’s body doesn’t automatically make him a woman! Learn some respect already!”

Everyone shut up immediately. They were not used to seeing Skye yell. Whine, yes, but not yell. Ward looked especially shocked. Coulson felt a vindictive burst of pleasure. Ward had deserved that.

Later that night, Coulson took a call from SHIELD. They wanted him and the team to come back to New York City just for a little while to help the Avengers with all the media fallout (and to help make sure that nothing bad happened to them, especially Captain America). 

Coulson suspected that they were really just taking pity on him by letting him return from exile.

May brought them to the Helicarrier. They all went to the conference room where they had been ordered to go. Even Skye was too excited to whine about having to obey orders.

Coulson’s team was the first to reach the conference room. They settled in, and Skye had just poured a cup of coffee for herself, when one of the Avengers arrived.“Hello, new minions!” Tony Stark boomed out. May snorted. Ward looked angry. Skye spilled her cup of coffee all over her front and let out a cry of dismay.

Stark looked surprisingly disappointed at the lack of good reactions to his presence. Coulson raised a sardonic eyebrow in his direction. “Where are the rest of your teammates?” he asked coolly.

Stark shrugged. Not the reaction that Coulson had wanted.

Just when Coulson had started considering taking out his taser, Thor, Dr. Bruce Banner, the Black Widow, Hawkeye, and Steve Rogers walked into the room. Skye gasped and dropped her now-empty coffee cup. Steve reached out and caught it just before it hit the ground. 

Skye took it from his outstretched hand and batted her eyelashes at him. Steve looked disconcerted, and looked at the Black Widow for help. She just smirked.

However, Coulson wasn’t paying much attention to the scene unfolding in front of him. Hawkeye had just walked in front of him and gotten his attention.

“Clint,” Coulson whispered. He extended a hand out to his lover, then withdrew it. He wasn’t sure if Clint wanted to be touched by him again yet.

Apparently Clint did want to be touched again, though. He hugged Coulson tightly, and Coulson hugged back just as hard. The pair clung to each other for several minutes until someone cleared their throat behind Coulson.

Coulson reluctantly let go, and they all sat down at the table, but Clint and Coulson held each other’s hands the whole time. 

After the meeting, everybody went to Stark Tower together. Stark ordered pizza. Clint led Coulson into a small room away from everybody else.

“I’m so sorry I didn’t come see you in the hospital,” whispered Clint.

Coulson laughed and shook his head. “No, Clint, I’m sorry,” he whispered back. “I didn’t even try to contact you, not even after I got better.”

Clint giggled. It was so ridiculous, but it was so much of a familiar and comforting sound that Coulson never wanted to let Clint go again.

“Come home with me,” Clint murmured into Coulson’s neck. “I just want to spend more time with you.”

Coulson nodded. “Of course.” Then he remembered something important. “Of course, but I want to talk to Steve first.”

Clint tensed. It would have been almost imperceptible to somebody who didn’t know Clint as well as Coulson did.

“What’s wrong?” Coulson asked. “It’ll only take a minute, I promise.”

Clint wasn’t meeting his eyes. “Don’t be mad at him,” he muttered. “He was just doing what he had to. Do you think he had a choice or something?”

Coulson just stared at him, until suddenly he realized what Clint was talking about. “No, of course not!” he exclaimed. “I’m not mad at him! I just wanted to congratulate him! And . . . well . . . just because he’s transgender doesn’t mean he’s not Captain America anymore.”

Coulson must have looked particularly sheepish, because Clint burst out laughing. “Of course!” he cried out. “Nothing changed for you, has it? You’re still a giant dork with a case of hero worship!”

They left the room after Coulson finally managed to calm Clint down.

All the other Avengers were milling around a large table that now held pizza. Clint crowed in delight and helped himself. There was already a considerable amount gone from the twelve large pizzas that Stark had gotten.

Phil soon realized where most of it had gone when he sat down next to Steve. Judging by the pile of discarded pepperoni, Steve had probably eaten at least eight slices already. He was working on more.

Steve nodded in greeting when Coulson sat down. He looked nervous and even set down his current slice of pizza. Coulson smiled at him to try to put him at ease. Steve smiled back, but he didn’t look like he felt much better.

“Congratulations,” Coulson said quietly to Steve.

Steve said, “Thank you . . . ?” and swallowed audibly.

They sat quietly while Steve picked at his mountain of pepperoni. Finally Steve blurted out, “Congratulations for what?”

Coulson raised an eyebrow. “Congratulations on coming out, on telling everybody that you’re transgender. Doing something like that is difficult to do, I know. I’ve been there.”

When Steve figured out exactly what that meant, his mouth gaped open. “Wait, so you’re . . .” he didn’t even finish his sentence; he didn’t seem to know how to.

Coulson smiled and finished, “Yes, I’m gay. So I, too, know a little bit about hiding who you are and about how good it feels when you come out.”

Steve looked like he was about to say something else, but he got distracted by somebody behind Coulson.

Coulson looked over his shoulder right as Clint threw an arm around him. Coulson smiled and reached up to touch him.

Much to Coulson’s surprise, Clint didn’t stop there. He swung his body out so that he was sitting in Coulson’s lap.

Steve quickly averted his eyes. Clint snickered at him.

“I told you I’m not the only gay one,” Clint boasted. “You don’t have to feel so weird about it about it, either. This isn’t illegal anymore.” He waved his hand to motion that his words meant not just Clint and Coulson’s relationship, but also Steve defying traditional gender norms.

Coulson stayed with Clint, Steve, and the Avengers for a week. During that time, he watched Steve slowly grow more comfortable around his teammates. 

Steve still didn’t really talk about his identity as a transgender man, but that seemed more out of habit than anything. He was gaining confidence, though.

Once, in the middle of the night, Coulson went into the Avengers’ communal kitchen and found Steve eating a midnight snack. Coulson dropped into a chair across from him. Steve stopped eating, startled, then hunched down. His chest was almost completely hidden by the table by that point. 

Coulson gave him an odd look. He looked a little closer and realized that Steve was wearing a t-shirt and nothing else underneath.

Steve wasn’t meeting Coulson’s eyes. His breathing sped up. He crossed his arms in front of his chest. They were much more effective at hiding his unbound breasts than the table had been.

Coulson snapped his eyes away upon realizing he had been staring. He didn’t know what to say.

Steve broke the silence first. He muttered, still not looking at Coulson, “I figured it’s safe enough here that I could leave my room without it.”

Coulson knew that by “it,” Steve meant his breast binder. He nodded. “Of course it’s safe,” he said gently. “You’ll never have to worry about that here.”

Steve nodded. He looked back down at his food, but his arms were still folded tightly across his chest.

Coulson got up, said good-night, and left the kitchen. When he looked back, Steve had already gone back to his meal.


	3. Chapter 3

Bucky crouched outside the apartment window, wishing the curtains weren’t closed. He pressed his ear to the cold glass and shivered. He didn’t particularly want to break his friend’s window, but it couldn’t be helped. Steve needed to be protected, and Bucky couldn’t do that from out here, now could he.

Bucky’s memories from before had slowly started creeping in and overtaking those he had from being the Winter Soldier, and as he had regained those memories, Bucky had realized that Steve (no longer his target) was . . . not like other men. If Bucky wasn’t there, taking care of him, Steve would be found out, could even be arrested. So Bucky had set out to find him.

Which left him in front of the window. He knew he ought to either break it or give up. He could pay Steve back for the damages later. That problem being solved, Bucky drew his metal hand back and smashed the window.

It was the middle of the night, so Bucky didn’t exactly expect anybody to be awake in Steve’s apartment, let alone some stranger sitting on his couch watching TV.

The strange man (who did look familiar to Bucky when he saw his face) leaped up at the sound of the glass breaking. What was he doing in Steve’s apartment? Did Steve know he was here? Did Steve want him here and allow him in? And the most important question for the moment – did this man know about Steve? Did he know what Bucky knew, the thing that could get Steve in so much trouble if anybody found out?

The man had a gun tucked into his pants. When Bucky charged at him, he pulled it out and pointed it at Bucky. His aim was steady. Bucky stopped, stumbled a little. Bucky hadn’t eaten in a few days, which was why he was unsteady, that was all. It didn’t mean he was afraid of the man he had attacked on the bridge. The man who was probably out looking for revenge.

Bucky backed up a little. He raised his hands up in the air. Where was Steve? 

As if he had been reading Bucky’s mind, Steve stumbled out of his bedroom, fumbling with his shield as he ran. To Bucky’s surprise, the strange man didn’t swing his gun around to point it at Steve. Perhaps not a hostile after all, then, if he was on Steve’s side. Bucky had already known that this stranger was on Steve’s side. He had already started to remember the metal wings he’d had on the bridge, before Bucky had – 

“Sam, stand down!” Steve yelled. Sam. That was his name.

Bucky backed up another couple of steps, just in case. He was now right by the window, ready to leap out of it if necessary. It looked like it wouldn’t be, though; Sam was already lowering his gun.

Steve took a couple of cautious steps toward Bucky. Bucky stood his ground. Steve was not a threat. Bucky’s eyes flickered toward Sam, but Steve was not a threat. Steve was safe.

Later on, when it was lighter outside, Steve made breakfast. Sam went to take a shower, and Bucky sat down at the table. While the coffee was brewing, Steve sat down across from Bucky.

“Does Sam know?” Bucky whispered before Steve could say anything.

Steve furrowed his brow. He looked so adorably confused. “Does he know what?”

Bucky huffed and rolled his eyes. He would have preferred not to have to say it aloud, but if Steve was going to be this dense, Bucky was going to say it.

“You know exactly what, Rogers. That you look like a girl under all this,” he waved his hand to gesture at Steve’s clothes and his muscle and masculine build.

Steve looked vaguely guilty. Boy, was Bucky familiar with that expression.

“That’s kind of offensive,” he muttered. Bucky looked at him. They’d talk about that later. Finally Steve admitted, “I don’t actually know if he knows.”

Bucky was speechless. How could Steve not know something like that? This was important!

“What do you mean, you don’t know?” he growled. “That’s the kind of thing you ought to know, buddy!”

Just then Sam came in, wrapped up only in a towel. Bucky nearly choked.

“This is the kind of thing you two wear?” he hissed. “Do you wear that stuff, Steve? If you do, then he sure does know!”

“Know what?” Sam asked.

Bucky sent a hateful glare in his general direction. He couldn’t be bothered to look straight at him, but he could do his best to get his feelings across.

Steve slowly walked toward Bucky. “Bucky,” he said carefully. “Are you okay?”

Bucky let out a frustrated groan. He hissed, “Well, don’t ask him if he knows, just think really hard! Does he know?”

Sam sidled up to Steve. “Is he lucid? What is he talking about?”

Steve still looked really guilty. He opened his mouth to say something but couldn’t figure out what to say, so he shut it again. Finally he mumbled, “Bucky, can Sam and I maybe talk alone for a minute?”

Bucky nodded, granting his permission, but he didn’t move. Sam and Steve got up from the table and went into Steve’s bedroom.

“What is this about, Steve?” Sam gazed at him steadily. Steve looked down at his feet instead of meeting Sam’s eyes. He took a deep breath.

“I have to tell you something.”

Sam waited, but no more information was forthcoming. “Tell me what?” he prompted gently.

Steve fidgeted. “I was born a girl,” he suddenly burst out with in one breath.

Sam nodded. He looked ashamed. “I know, Steve,” he said. Steve was flabbergasted, but Sam wasn’t finished. “I saw on the news that you’re transgender, but I didn’t really want to bring it up unless you did. I’m sorry about that.”

This cheered Steve up significantly. “I was really worried,” he admitted. “But I’m glad you’re okay with it.”

Sam’s expression turned fierce. “Of course I’m okay with it! It’s none of my business what you look like under your clothes. You’re my friend; of course I’m going to accept you.”

Steve grinned. He was the most at ease that he’d been since he started staying with Sam now that he’d heard that.

Sam clapped him on the leg. “Nor do I think any different of you, dude,” he added. “It’s not because you’re Captain America, either. I’d do that for anybody.”

Steve grinned. He grabbed Sam and hugged him tightly. Sam made a tiny noise of surprise and then hugged him back.

Steve was the first to pull away. He was still grinning. “Let’s go tell Bucky he has nothing to worry about.” He didn’t add that Steve himself had nothing to worry about with his friends by his side.

Sam drove. Bucky sat in the backseat. His anger had lessened considerably, and he was eating a popsicle. Steve didn’t ask why Sam had so many popsicles in his freezer.

It was the early morning, so there wasn’t a lot of traffic until they approached the center of the city and Stark Tower. A security guard was waiting for them in the parking garage. He kept his hand on his gun and watched Bucky very closely as he escorted the three of them up to Tony’s labs.

Tony, Bruce, and two women in white lab coats were waiting next to a large medical scanner. Steve and Sam tried to get Bucky to keep moving toward it, but Bucky balked at the sight of it and tried to turn around. They spent a fruitless couple of minutes trying to convince Bucky that it wouldn’t hurt him. Finally Tony just muttered to Steve, “Take him out and try to get him to calm down. I have an idea.”

Steve didn’t have to do much to convince Bucky to leave. They went to Tony’s kitchen, and Steve made himself a sandwich. He tried to get Bucky to eat one, too, but Bucky just shook his head. “What do these people know about you?” he muttered.

Steve considered dodging the question, but it would be obvious he knew what Bucky was talking about.

Steve sighed. “They know all of it, Bucky. There’s nothing to worry about.”

Bucky did not say anything in agreement. He just tensed his jaw and looked away.

When they got back to Tony’s lab, Steve turned to close the door. Bucky marched back to Tony’s side before Steve could catch up to him.

Tony grunted when Bucky effortlessly lifted him up by the throat. He couldn’t say much else.

“You will never hurt Steve,” Bucky growled. “Doesn’t matter that he’s different from you; if you ever do anything to him, I will hunt you   
down.”

Bucky ignored Steve’s efforts to talk him down or rip him away. His metal left arm was too strong.

Bucky pointed to Bruce and repeated it, but he didn’t touch him. As soon as he let Tony down, Steve grabbed him and helped him sit down. 

“I’m so sorry,” he gasped. “Are you okay? I’m sorry. We’ll leave now. He won’t hurt you again, I promise.”

Tony waved his hand. He still couldn’t speak, so Steve had no idea what he was trying to say.

JARVIS’s curt voice came from the speakers all around them. “I have notified SHIELD. They are on their way now.”

Tony didn’t reply. His eyes were open, but Steve checked to make sure he was still breathing. He was. Steve asked JARVIS, “What part of SHIELD did you call?”

“Not the Hydra part, I assure you, Captain Rogers, unless, of course, Agent Coulson himself has been turned.”

Steve nodded. He trusted Agent Coulson, but the thought of seeing him again didn’t exactly help his nerves.

“Captain Rogers, hello.” Coulson got there even faster then Steve thought he would. He nodded his head once. Coulson extended a hand to Bucky. “It’s nice to meet you at last, Sergeant Barnes.”

Steve waved a hand at Coulson, trying to get him to put his hand down. Coulson didn’t. Bucky didn’t come near him, though; he only eyed him mistrustfully.

Coulson started talking about possible safe places for Bucky to stay. During his speech, Natasha, Clint, and Thor came in. They positioned themselves in a loose perimeter around Bucky. Bucky didn’t seem to notice or care. He was completely focused on Coulson.

Bucky was losing energy quickly, though. He didn’t sound as threatening as he did before when he asked Coulson, “You don’t have a problem with Steve? He’s very brave. Don’t even think about it . . .” He couldn’t seem to finish and swayed on the spot.

Steve helped him sit down. Bucky swatted at his hands. Tony dug around in a drawer and came up with an energy bar, which he then handed to Steve to give to Bucky.

Coulson sat down, too. “I would never do anything to Steve,” he answered Bucky. He looked up at Steve and smiled. Steve shifted around on his feet and smiled back a few seconds too late.

Coulson continued. “I’m gay. I’ve come out multiple times in my life, and I know it’s hard every time.”

Bucky looked at him as if waiting for more. Sam cleared his throat loudly. Coulson gave him an odd look.

“You’re an asshole, Coulson,” Bucky grumbled. “Just stop it.”

Coulson’s expression was somewhere between confusion and indignation. “Excuse me?” he said, barely politely.

Bucky didn’t answer, so Sam took over. First he glanced at Steve, who was staring at the ground with his jaw clenched, and then Sam crossed his arms.

“You know that’s offensive, right?” he asked. “It’s not the same at all. It’s like you telling me that just because you’re gay, you know exactly what it’s like to be discriminated against because of skin color. Racism is really different from homophobia, and so is transphobia.

“Steve isn’t gay. He’s transgender, and those two aren’t the same thing. You’re supposed to be an ally, Agent Coulson, you shouldn’t be just lumping his experiences in with yours and calling it a favor.”

Coulson was completely still for about four seconds, then he nodded. He said, “Captain Rogers, I’m very sorry I offended you. I won’t do it again, but if I do say something bad, please tell me.” He held out his hand, and Steve shook it.

Later, when the two of them were eating, Sam asked Steve, “Why didn’t you tell him what he said was wrong?”

Steve shrugged. “I was going to, you know, then we got interrupted, and I lost my nerve.”

Sam sighed. “I get that. Listen, if he or anybody else says something like that to you again, but you feel uncomfortable telling them off, come find me. I’ll help you.”

“Thank you, Sam. Um, same to you, if anybody ever gives you trouble.”

Steve wished he could do more for Sam. Steve didn’t have enough real friends, but he thought Sam might be one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am thealientourist on tumblr!

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own anything belonging to Marvel. 
> 
> Please review! If I have offended anybody, or if I’ve gotten something wrong, let me know. Unless it’s a transphobic “if ‘he’ has a woman’s body, then she’s a woman!” I get enough of that already, I don’t need it here.


End file.
